Emo Memo

This is a mock memo that I found in an April 2006 RFT. It made me smile. -K

Emo Memo
To: New Employees
From: Emo-Rock Headquarters
Date: April 27, 2006
Subject: Corporate Guidelines

With all the recent hires, we thought it would be prudent to review some essential company guidelines.

Your band must include a day, a month or a season. Please note that "Thursday" is taken, but you're welcome to go with something like "The Thursday Capitulation." Our research department highly recommends the use of "Sunday" and/or "Indian Summer."

Please leave the resonant singing voices at home - we require a thin, high-pitched whine. You're welcome to offset this with screams/shouts from a second vocalist, but nothing too blood-curdling.

Attire-wise, hoodies, ringer tees, and Dickies-style clothing are all preferred. The more you look like a gas station attendant, the better.

Guitarists - encourage angularity, but don't be afraid of standard melodies and hooks. Now is not the time to be too arty or adventurous.

The more angsty and confessional your songs, the better. Don't feel bad about lyrically lashing out at the girls who've hurt you - females will still come to your shows and sing along to every word. Stick to these guidelines and you're certain to rise quickly up the corporate ladder!