Big Butter Jesus

Some coworkers and I recently went on a business trip to Peoria, IL where we stayed at a hotel that reminded us of butter. The walls were the color of butter cream icing, with a broad spackling effect that reminded me of cake. The bedspreads were a yellowish beige. The furniture was light beigy wood. Anyway, one of us on the trip kept mentioning that the hotel reminded him of the "big butter jesus". I thought this was just a creation of his imagination, but apparently not. He just sent me a link to a song written by Heywood Banks called "Big Butter Jesus." Frightening that this thing is real. Only in America. -K

In southern Ohio, just north of Cincinnati
I beheld a vision, next to the expressway.
Was a 60 foot jesus, with his hands in the air
looks like he’s carved out of butter,
just like at the state fair.
Big butter Jesus
Sweet cream Jesus
Oh country fresh Jesus
Unsalted Jesus
Oh Promise Jesus
Imperial Jesus
Can’t believe it’s not Jesus
Oleo Lord.
Well you see him from the chest up
like he’s about to do a back flip,
like he scored a touchdown
or maybe melting or about to drown.
Well I’ve been to the state fair
seen a cow made out of corn cobs
Garth Brooks made of string cheese
and the virgin out of olives.
Big butter Jesus
Sweet cream Jesus
Oh country fresh Jesus
Unsalted Jesus
Oh Promise Jesus
Imperial Jesus
Can’t believe it’s not Jesus
Oleo Lord.
Shipped in pieces on a flatbed
staring backwards was his big head
Driver stuck in traffic backups
desperately avoiding eye contact
Well don’t make no graven images.
That’s one of the 10 commandments
I hope the grading curve is kindly
You get to heaven with a 90
Big butter Jesus
Sweet cream Jesus
Oh country fresh Jesus
Unsalted Jesus
Oh Promise Jesus
Imperial Jesus
Can’t believe it’s not Jesus
Oleo Lord.
Can’t believe it’s not Jesus,
Oh spread the word.