SCHWINNNG. Rock of Love 2 Ends

I love “I Won’t Forget You” and “Talk Dirty To Me”, but I wasn’t into Poison. Their image back in the day consisted of a predictable mishmash of glam and debauchery and seemed believeable to a point since they were an LA-based hair metal band. This meant that they were obviously being supported by strippers and booze so there had to be a healthy amount of debauchery. But, they also seemed too ambitious to lose themselves in the lifestyle TOO much. At least Bret Michaels did. CC, I know had issues with drugs later in life, but the rest seemed very clear headed. Bret always seemed like a doer. He spent his time after hair metal died becoming a director and resisting becoming a cliched has been. I wasn’t that surprised then, to see him jumpstart his career with Rock of Love and then later with Rock of Love 2, which has become VH1s most successful celebreality show, apparently. Coworkers that didn’t feel they knew him like I did as a tween LOVED that show. How could you not? Bret, who my friends and I considered a poseur back in the 80s, suddenly was likeable. Every Sunday our DVRs or Tivos would record the latest episode in which there would be a stripping contest, a girl on girl football mud bowl, and a drinking contest (which might be every episode). You would think this would get old, but it didn’t. In every episode Bret never pretended that he wasn’t turned on by crazy chicks, thought about sex a lot, or had a sense of humor. He was an open book, self-deprecating, and ready to help out when the girls would drink far too much and puke on everything. There was something refreshingly simple and honest about it.

This season, I loved the volatile superfan named Destiny who almost made it to the end. During the first episode she told him in a drunken stupor that meeting him was a lifelong dream, that she had his photo on her wall, etc. I immediately became engaged. If I was in the position to do it, I would SO try to be Nikki Sixx’s Rock of Love, though I would probably not have the courage to say that I fantasized about him during his heroin-addicted heyday dressed up as a harlequin. Anyway, the episode where the parents came to visit was very heartwarming. Destiny’s dad, a biker, revealed during the episode that he had cancer. Knowing that Destiny’s father loved Harleys so much, he gave her dad a bike and they spent the day riding. During the reunion, after Destiny discussed the fact that everyone considered her a groupie (which pisses me off!), there was a segment about her dad, who passed away two weeks before the taping. During the clip in which her dad is shown riding with Bret down the streets of LA Destiny, Bret, the girls, and I were in tears. What really touched me was the fact that Destiny thanked Bret for giving her dad such a wonderful day before he succumbed to the cancer. Anyone who would have walked into the room seeing me folding my laundry and crying would have thought I had finally lost it. But no, was just watching Rock of Love 2’s Reunion. WHat I liked about her was that she was so freaking up front about everything. First, she did admit that she is and always will be a fan. Second, when asked during the season if she loved Bret Michaels she admitted that she didn’t, but that if given the chance to get to know the man behind the persona she might. Bless her. Who else had the balls to admit something like that?

I was telling J that I thought it ironic that I spent my teen years unimpressed by Poison, only to now feel that Bret Michaels symbolizes everything about that era that I loved: fun times, electric guitars, skipping school, getting loaded (when I could handle it), and hair. I’m even going to see them play down in B’ham this summer (along with Dokken, another band I ignored back in the day). I may never know what lies beneath those hats and those doo rags (perhaps it’s best left undiscovered) and perhaps the show was more for him to reveal his solo career. Who cares. It was hilarious TV. Recently I read this quote from him in an article after season 2 ended. When asked what he took away from doing these shows he said "one good lesson that I have learned is patience.  Even if you are not listening, act like you are listening". (Shh. Hear that? That’s the sound of every man that may be reading this nodding their heads.) -K

Nürnberg, Germany 1988. I'm on the left in my 80s rocker uniform: skinny jeans tucked into ankle boots, permed hair, and jeans jacket. I refuse to be embarrassed by this look.